Kookys & Dreams

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Cheat in Exams - Lesson 1

Before I start, I’ll like to make a disclaimer here to state that the following topic is purely for educational and informative purposes only. I hold no responsibility for any actions that may be derived from reading this. Great! Now that I got my ass covered, let’s move on.
Call me evil, call me cynical and if you’re like me, call me a friend. I always like things that are freely available as I hold a firm belief that knowledge should always be free. Its so ‘mercenary’ of educational institutions to charge students for learning… but that’s another story. For now, I didn’t think anyone would do this for ‘informative’ purposes so thought I’ll divulge a bit of knowledge on what I know about it, and how they do it.
Cheating in Exams. ;)

Cheating in exams. Its not something we don’t know or don’t do… its just seems taboo to even talk about it. Some of you saints may have the privilege to say that you’ve never dwelled in that before, but hey, who’s perfect right? I’ve had my fair share in cheating during exams…it’s not just for good grades but its also entertaining and builds rapport between fellow cheaters. But cheaters should be aware of the old adage which is true: that you will only be cheating yourself in the end. So if you do cheat, erm… cheat wisely? You just don’t want blood on your hands when you’re employed by a construction firm to build a super highway that can withstand a gross weight of 200t. Now that the morals are set right, let’s explore in the realm of cheating for exams, the tricks, the tips, and the trade.

Bringing notes into exams
This seems to be one of the most used techniques which prove to be the simplest yet invariably technical. Many variations of bringing notes in were spawned as a result of trying to evade detection.

1) Notes on paper.
This is the most straightforward method. You write down what you need to know (i.e. formulas, key points, dates, any other shit that’s not worth remembering) on that piece of paper and you bring it into the exam venue. The best thing you can do about this method is to have the piece of paper really small so that it can be concealed easily and accessible at the same time. I would recommend you do this by printing in the smallest font possible since its a lot easier to read that your own scribbles. A bright company called FinePrint will help you further by printing them smaller than your font size because its primary function is to save your printing paper by printing many pages on a single sheet. So you can have a font size of 8 for your cheat sheet, and print that on an 8 page/paper option and Voila! A really small yet visibly clear cheat sheet.

2) Notes on flesh.
I wouldn’t recommend this method because of the following factors:
a) There’s only so much you can write on whichever part of your body that you can ‘see’.
b) Scribbles on your flesh will turn ugly on contact with sweat, or anything else. Then you will cry when you can’t make out if that was supposed to be P=VI or B=WL.
c) There is no way you can explain yourself if you are caught with notes on your flesh. No they won’t believe you that it’s supposed to be a talisman to make you more powerful or knowledgeable.

Making use of modern technology
By far the most advanced method in cheating and also a big potential untapped. These technologies include mobile phones, pagers, mp3 players, walkie-talkies, etc. You’ll have to thank Mr Roboto for these.

1) Mobile phone
Use your imagination when making use of this piece of hardware. It has vast capabilities if used wisely and undetected. Stealth is key. As if I should mention this, put them on ‘no sound’ mode, not even vibration as it gets eerily quiet in exams and the slightest sound draws attention. Note that it is now illegal to possess a mobile phone on you during exams so consider this risk very carefully. Usage of this item includes:
a) Partnering with a friend, or anybody who’s willing to help you out. This person must be someone you can trust and knows what he/she is doing. Otherwise you will experience heartburns, profuse sweating, bruxism, and other panic attacks. You will then have the following options of choosing to send and receive answers via SMS or for the daring via an open line.. If you have nimble fingers and can text without looking at the keys and screen, you may choose to text your buddy with the phone concealed and only take it out to view the answer when you’re sure the invigilator isn’t looking. If you choose to hold a conversation, make damn sure that you have charge you battery the night before. A 2-3 hour exam can be very draining and maybe all your battery can last on a full charge. A hands-free is highly recommended for its ease of concealment and size.
b) Most phones these days come with an in-built camera. If you can snap key stuff via a high resolution phone which can zoom, you can then use this small computer to view the breath-taking ‘pictures’ that will even put Life magazine to shame.

2) Pagers
Pagers work almost the same as mobile phones except without the capability of transmission on many pagers. Also not many people carry pagers these days so it maybe old, but workable. If your pager is non-transmittable, you will have to store key information on it the night before for reviewing on D-day. Otherwise it works the same as SMSing.

3) MP3 players
Not many people will know how to use this but pushed to the limits, you’ll be amazed at what your imagination can bring you into. Firstly get a dependable player, not some cheapo stuff that’s unreliable. It’s a good investment as you can store all your downloaded songs and other pirated stuff :P
a) If your player can record speech, you may choose to record your dissertations the night before. Important thing to remember here is to make many recordings which can be named. You don’t want to fast-forward and rewind 2hrs to find the information you need. Hence break up the information in several files so you can zoom into the stuff you need.
b) Memo function can be used to view the information you stored.

4) Walkie-Talkies
These work the same way as mobile phones but with great limitations. Distance and the fact that it’s a half-duplex (one direction at a time) transmission. I imagine the latest walkies do not have the cackles of static like its predecessors but still unless you like the idea of communicating with a friend without having the luxury of owning a phone, I wouldn’t recommend this option.

At the end of the day it all boils down to your own imagination. What I’ve listed here may only be a small percentage of the tools used in the trade. If you’re kind enough to share some tips for ‘informative’ purposes do let me know.
In my next writing, we will discuss the art of concealment for bringing the tools of cheating into the exam venues. I leave you now with these words of wisdom that is worth your contemplation: “Cheat! There is no honour in exams. For it is way better to pass by cheating as I cannot fathom the repercussions of failing without.”

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